the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
