i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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