I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
