Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
