Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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