Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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