i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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