I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
