Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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