there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
