Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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