Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
