If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
