Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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