I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i think my cat just said my name.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
