the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize