Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
