Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
