Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
