I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
