I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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