i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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