I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
