rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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