if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
