Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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