Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Even my vagina gasped.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
