im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
