how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
