Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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