hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize