we have pet lesbian snakes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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