I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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