Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
