i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
