so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
