What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
