What a fucking waste of an outfit
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
