Your dad touched me again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
