im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just had sex bonerless
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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