I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
