She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
