I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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