I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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