A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
