george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We are two peas in an std pod
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
