I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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