is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
