shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
