What a fucking waste of an outfit
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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