she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
