I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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