I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
