i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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