I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
