Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
