I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
