I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My bed smells like the plague
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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