matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just had sex on a roof
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
