So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
