I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
