Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
