it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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