So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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