I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
