dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
