Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
