There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
