...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
