It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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