apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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